Snoopy on the Range
by movieNcartoons
Summary: Good grief! Snoopy takes center stage as he and Woodstock join dairy cows Maggie, Mrs. Caloway and Grace on a Western journey to save Patch of Heaven from a notorious outlaw. P.S. He can talk too!
1. Once Upon a Wild West

_Out in the land where the men are tough as cactus_  
 _Out in the land where the wild, wild west was won_  
 _Out in the land of the desperado_  
 _If yer as soft as an avocado_  
 _Yee-ha! Yer guacamole, son!_

 _Home, home, this ain't it, pal!_  
 _Home, home, home on the Range_  
 _Home, home, better go git, pal!_  
 _You ain't home on the range_

 _Out in the land where the weak are target practice,_  
 _(Home, home, home on the range)_  
 _Out in the land where they shoot the mild and meek_  
 _(Home, home, home on the range)_  
 _Out where the bad are a whole lot badder,_  
 _If yer the type with a nervous bladder, yip! Yow!_  
 _Yer saddle's gonna reek!_  
 _Cause you ain't home on the range,_  
 _Cowboy, yer really up the creek!_

 _Home, home, home on the range_  
 _Home, home, home on the range_  
 _Home, home, home on the range_  
 _Home, home, home on the range_

* * *

Through the Western wilderness rode a local stagecoach. Inside it were the Peanuts gang; Charlie Brown, Lucy, Linus, Schroeder, Marcie, Peppermint Patty and Sally.

Outside, Snoopy and Woodstock were not far behind, riding a donkey.

The stagecoach rode past a farm where a little girl and her brother were watching.

Sally waved at the girl, who stuck out her tongue.

"Did you see that? She stuck her tongue out at me!" whined Sally. "I waved at that little kid and she stuck her tongue out at me! Boy, if I could get off this coach, I'll go back there and punch her lights out."

Just then, there was a _BUMP_ outside the stagecoach.

One of its wheels had collided with a rock, causing it to break.

"Whoa, boys! Whoa!" said the coachman as he pulled on the horses' reins.

'Why are we stopping here?" Peppermint Patty asked Marcie before calling out to the coachman. "Hey, driver! We have a blowout or something!"

"I can see that, little lady." replied the coachman. "Just give me a few minutes to replace the wheel, then we'll be on our way to Chugwater."

"While he does that, I'm gonna bring down her window shades." said Sally.

She stormed out of the stagecoach and walked towards the girl's farm.

"I'm gonna dim her outlook and shorten her life span." she went on. "I'm gonna rearrange her landscape."

But when Sally came to face the farm girl, she glared back at her.

"On the other hand, I didn't know she had a mean streak on her." said Sally. "I'll confuse her with a silent but dignified retreat."


	2. Welcome to Chugwater

After the coachman replaced the broken wheel with a new one, the stagecoach finally got to the town of Chugwater.

"Now you kids enjoy yourselves and remember to be back in half an hour." the coachman informed the Peanuts gang. "I still have to take y'all to Patch of Heaven."

"I don't believe it! What are we doing on this ridiculous trip?" Sally complained to Charlie Brown as the gang got off the coach. "Look, nothing around us for miles! This is crazy! I feel like I've been hijacked!"

As Sally kept on ranting, Snoopy rode up to the town saloon.

"Now that's what I call 'riding in style,' eh, Woodstock?" he said as he got off his donkey.

"Whatever you say, compadre." replied Woodstock, feeling woozy from the donkey ride.

Snoppy chuckled as he picked up his little bird friend. "Come on, let's go get a refresher."

At the same time, Sam Brown, the sheriff of Chugwater, was dismounting his horse, Buck, whom he scratched behind the ears.

As he walked off to his office, Buck could see Snoopy and Woodstock walking up the steps to the saloon.

"Hey, Rusty." he called out to the sheriff's dog. "Look at this."

Rusty woke up from his sleep to see Snoopy and Woodstock enter the saloon.

"There's something you don't see every day." he said.

* * *

The saloon was bustling with a lot of wild activity. Cowboys were arm-wrestling with each other, playing cards and drinking beer.

"Dang, this place is happening!" exclaimed Woodstock.

"Yeah, no kidding." agreed Snoopy.

They walked up to the booth, where the saloon owner, Annie was standing.

"What'll it be, boys?" she asked.

"Two root beers, please." said Snoopy.

Annie brought the two friends their drinks, but as Woodstock tried to take a sip, his glass fell on top of him.

* * *

Later, it was time to get back on the stagecoach, where outside, Charlie Brown could see Snoopy and Woodstock leaving the saloon.

"Snoopy, don't stay back too far." he said. "From here on to Patch of Heaven, it's pretty rough country."

Just then, Charlie Brown heard the coachman shout, "Hee-yah!"

The horses led out a whinny and sped away with the stagecoach.

"Hey, don't forget me!" shouted Charlie Brown. "Come back! Come back! You forgot me."

Snoopy knew he had to get his owner to Patch of Heaven. He walked over to a nearby stable and pulled out a wagon.

He then hitched up the wagon to his donkey and urged Charlie Brown to ride with him.

Once Charlie Brown was in the wagon, Snoopy cracked a whip at his donkey, who brayed loudly and took off running, pulling the wagon.

Rusty and Buck watched as Snoopy's wagon, containing himself, Woodstock and a screaming Charlie Brown rode out of Chugwater.

"That boy ain't hooked up right." said Rusty.

"I'll say." agreed Buck.


	3. Meet the New Cow

Pearl Gesner, the owner of Patch of Heaven, was waiting outside the gate when she spotted Snoopy's wagon going very fast, then came to a screeching halt.

"Whew, that's some driver you've got there." said Pearl as she helped Charlie Brown off the wagon. "That must've been one heck of a ride, eh, Charlie Brown?"

"One of these days, I wish I had a normal dog like everybody else." said Charlie Brown, feeling a little woozy himself.

Snoopy scoffed at that comment as he got off the wagon. "Keep dreaming, kid."

"Well, now that everybody's here," said Pearl. "I'd like y'all to meet the newest member of our family. This here is Maggie, three-time winner of the Golden Udder Award and the original Miss Happy Heifer."

At that moment, Maggie, a big brash cow strolled into the farm, much to everyone's shock and surprise.

"That is one big cow, sir." Marcie said to Peppermint Patty, who replied. "You ain't whistlin' _'Dixie,'_ Marice."

Then she added. "And stop calling me 'sir!'"

"Now, I want y'all to make her feel right at home." Pearl said to her farm animals. "You hear me?"

Then she turned to the Peanuts gang. "If you kids are hungry, I have some fresh cookies in the oven."

The gang's faces lit up when they heard the word...

"Cookies?!"

One by one, they hurried into Pearl's house.

"Now, now. Don't crowd. Don't crowd." assured Pearl. "There's plenty for everybody."

"I hope so." moaned Charlie Brown.

While everyone was inside, Maggie walked up to the farm animals.

"Hey, thanks, everybody! It's great to be here in Patch of Heaven." she said. Now, don't everybody speak at one time. What is this, the frozen food section?"

A black and grey cow, wearing a purple hat cleared her throat. "Well, this is...quite a surprise to find a fellow bovine joining the ranks."

"Phony." coughed a cranky goat named Jeb, before his mouth got canned, literally.

"I'm Mrs. Caloway."

"Hi." greeted another cow.

"And this is Grace."

"Hi."

"No applause and trophies here, I'm afraid." said Mrs. Caloway. "Just the fruits of our good, honest labor."

"Hi." repeated Grace, much to Mrs. Caloway's annoyance.

"Workin' stiffs, huh?" said Maggie. "Boy, I remember those days."

Snoopy and Woodstock walked up to Maggie.

"Wow! You're the biggest cow I have ever saw." exclaimed Woodstock.

"Well, if you're in charge, I'll take that as a compliment." replied Maggie.

"Uh..." began Woodstock as Maggie went on, saying. "And if you're not, I guess I'll just have to sit on you."

Snoopy and Woodstock screamed in terror, but Maggie stopped them before they could run for it.

"Hey, I'm only kidding!" she said. "Say, what is this you've got jammed up in your ear?"

As if by magic, Maggie pulled out an apple from Snoopy's ear.

"Cool!" exclaimed Woodstock.

"Hey, how'd you do that?" asked Snoopy.

"A pro never reveals her secrets, mutt." said Maggie as she stuffed the apple in Snoopy's mouth. "Speaking of which, I got somethin' stuck in my ear."

She pulled out an ear of corn from her ear and tossed it up into the air.

"This one's for me." Maggie informed the other animals as she lifted her left rear hoof to send the corn flying into her mouth.

"Awesome!" said the three litle piggies. "Do it again! Do it again!"

"Maggie's some fun, isn't she?" Grace asked Mrs. Caloway, who only scoffed. "Teaching pigs to throw food? As if they weren't sloppy enough."


	4. Hope Lost, Then Found

Buck galloped as fast as he could while Sheriff Sam tried to hang onto his reins.

"Dagnabbit, Buck, slow down!"

* * *

Back at Patch of Heaven, Maggie plucked out a can from Jeb's collection.

"OK, who's up for a game of tin-can tag?" she called out.

"Hey! That can is a family heirloom." shouted Jeb.

But Maggie ignored him as she went over the game rules. "Whoever wins is gettin' a free tetanus shot! OK?"

Just then, Buck jumped past Maggie, hitting the can off her tail.

"Horse on a mission comin' through!" he called out.

"Who's the horsey?" asked Woodstock.

"Oh, it's Buck." replied Molly, the mother pig.

Mrs. Caloway let out a scoff, for she has a strong grudge against Buck, due to his self-centered behavior towards her fellow animals. "City slicker."

Buck leapt over a fence and skidded to a halt in Pearl's garden.

"Dagnabbit, Buck! What do you think this is, some kinda rodeo?" asked Sheriff Sam.

"Why, good morning, Sam." chuckled Pearl. "Is that ornery horse gettin' away from you again?"

"Oh, uh, hello, Pearl." replied Sheriff Sam. "I came out to bring you another bank notice. This one'll be the last."

"You know, Sam, every time I get a weak harvest, they send me one of these here notices." said Pearl. "They'll get their money soon enough."

The Peanuts gang and farm animals gathered around as Sheriff Sam said. "It's a whole new shootin' match now, Pearl. The bank's callin' in everybody's debt. They're losin' money somethin' fierce with all the cattle men goin' under. I'm tellin' you, if they don't get their money in three days, they're gonna auction off Patch of Heaven."

Pearl was shocked when she heard the news. "What?"

Sally was more than shocked. "I was wrong. I haven't been hijacked. I've been..."

"Sally, you're not helping." said Charlie Brown as he clapped his hand over his sister's mouth.

"But...they can't take my place." said Pearl as she looked at the bank notice. "Why, I've been here through twisters, blizzards...Sam, uh... Sam, this is my home."

"I'm sorry, Pearl." said Sheriff Sam. "I'm truly sorry."

"Yeah, well...'sorry' just ain't gonna save my farm." replied a depressed Pearl.

As Sheriff Sam rode his horse past the group of animals and kids, Mrs. Caloway glared at Buck. "Well, Buck, I hope you're proud of yourself."

"As a matter of fact, I am. Thanks for checking...losers." Buck said arrogantly.

"He's not that nice, ain't he?" asked Woodstock.

"Never." replied Mrs. Caloway. "All he thinks and cares about is himself."

As he got close to the gate, Sheriff Sam pulled on Buck's reins and turned back to Pearl.

"You know, Pearl, it don't have to be this way. You've got the best livestock in the county. " he said. "All you gotta do is just...sell off a few of these critters..."

"Stop right there, Sam." interrupted Pearl. "They're family. You don't sell family."

"Ho-ho-hold your horses, Pearl." began Sheriff Sam, but Pearl kept on, ranting, "You get before I start using words no good woman should ever use."

"Don't bust your gusset, woman!" said Sheriff Sam as Pearl swung her hoe at him.

Linus even used his security blanket as a whip to drive him and Buck out of Patch of Heaven. "Back! Back! Back!"

"Go on, Sam!" shouted Pearl. "It is still my property! Now get! I said, get!"

"I was just tryin' to help!" Sheriff Sam called out as he and Buck rode off into the distance.

* * *

Leter that afternoon, Pearl and the Peanuts gang quietly sat inside her house, not knowing what to do.

"Oh, that sure took the starch right out of me." groaned Pearl.

"If only there was something we can do." said Marcie.

"Yeah, but what?" asked Peppermint Patty.

As Charlie Brown munched on a cookie, he felt an idea developing inside his head until finally...

"That's it! I know how to raise the money for the farm!" he announced. "Let's have a bake sale!"

"A bake sale, big brother?" asked Sally.

"Yeah, think about it." said Charlie Brown. "Pearl makes a great batch of cookies and many other sweets. Maybe we can make enough money to save Patch of Heaven."

"You blockhead, this has got to be the most idiotic idea I've ever heard!" snapped Lucy.

"And?" said Charlie Brown.

"I say it's worth a shot." replied Lucy.

Charlie Brown smiled.

"What do you say, Pearl?" he asked.

Pearl thought for a moment.

"Hmm, well, I haven't done anything like that in years." she said. "Let's get to it."

* * *

As everyone started cooking, Snoopy and Woodstock hurried to the other animals.

"It's OK, everybody." said Snoopy. "There's still some hope in this little ol' farm."

"What are you going about, Snoopy?" asked Maggie.

"The gang's putting together a bake sale to earn some money for the farm." explained Woodstock.

"Humph, we've never had a bake sale for years." said Mrs. Caloway. "But if it'll help save Patch of Heaven..."

Jeb just shook his head. "Well, I think we all know what happens if it don't..."

"Uh, Jeb, don't start." said Mrs. Caloway.

But Jeb went on yammering anyway. "We'll all get eaten!"

"Jeb!"

"Hey, come on. You don't think people in town eat animals?"

"But who would eat a chicken?" asked Audrey, the mother hen.

"No, the goat's right, you guys." said Maggie. "There's gotta be something else we can do."

"What? What could we do?" asked Audrey.

"Oh...this just ain't fair." whined Ollie, the father pig.

"Fair!" gasped Maggie. "Good call, Curly!"

"Ollie."

"Whatever."

"Uh, what is?"

"Listen. What would you say if I told you that you could win _big_ money and see beautiful downtown Chugwater if you go to the county fair?"

The farm animals marveled at that idea, except for Mrs. Caloway.

"Thank you for your input, but..."

"Come on! Let the new cow talk!" interrupted Larry the duck.

"New cow! New cow! New cow!" chanted the other animals.

"Come on, Mrs. C. You've got a real good-lookin' bunch here. I see some real potential." said Maggie.

"Aww, shucks." said a flattered Larry.

"Now, the fair is two weeks away." Maggie went on. "I say we go to town, butter up the sheriff and his horse and get one of them to give us more time."

"Looks like we're gonna have us a rip-snortin' time!" exclaimed Woodstock as he picked up the bank notice.

"That's the can-do attitude." said Maggie. "What do you say, Caloway?"

"Bah! Absolutely not." rebuffed Mrs. Caloway. "I will not abandon Pearl in her hour of need for such a ridiculous plan. She would be devastated if she found us missing. As far as I'm concerned, that's not an option."

"All right, fine. Suit yourself." said Maggie. "Come on, you guys. We've got a farm to save."

Grace hurried up to Maggie, with Snoopy on top of her.

"Oh, you'll have to excuse her. She's just a little tense." she said.

"Tense. What's her specialty, sour cream?" asked Maggie.

As she watched them head out to the gate, Mrs. Caloway let out a scoff. "Going to town. Of all the ill-conceived..."

Before she could continue ranting, Mrs. Caloway heard some chirping, which came for four baby chicks...and Woodstock.

"Now, don't look at me so crossly." said Mrs. Caloway. "I know what you're going to say that Maggie, Snoopy and Grace will need someone with my eye for detail to keep them on the straight and narrow."

Woodstock and the chicks didn't say a word.

Finally, Mrs. Caloway let out a sigh. "Say no more, I'll go."

With her head stood up high, Mrs. Caloway graciously walked past the gate and caught up with Maggie, Grace and Snoopy.

"Well, what made you change your mind?" asked Maggie.

Mrs. Caloway started to whimper. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"It's a chick thing." explained Grace.

* * *

Back inside the farm, Woodstock high-fived the chicks for getting Mrs. Caloway to join them.

"Later, dudes!" he said, flying off to catch up with the cows and Snoopy.


	5. Buck the Dreamer

The long walk to Chugwater was not that enjoyable. Grace kept on singing along the way, and, boy, did her voice sound terrible.

"Good grief!" said Snoopy. "Does she always sing like this?"

"Very." replied Mrs. Caloway.

"Well, she better hurry up around that mountain," said Maggie. "'Cause I cannot take this much longer."

"Maggie, may I be frank?" asked Mrs. Caloway.

"Only if you let me wear the hat." replied Maggie.

Mrs. Caloway cleared her throat. "Lowbrow remarks may work for you, but we prefer the gentle approach."

"Well, she better stick a sock in it soon." said Maggie. "The vultures are starting to circle."

Up in the sky, Maggie, Mrs. Caloway, Snoopy and Woodstock saw two vultures flying over Grace.

Woodstock flew up to the vultures and said. "Hey! She's not dying, you know."

"You sure?" asked one of the vultures. "We could wait around!"

"We'll keep you posted!" Maggie called out.

"False alarm, Clem!" the first vulture said to the other, who replied, "Roger dodger, out like the wind!"

As the vultures flew off, Grace ran up to her friends.

"Hey, Maggie, Mrs. C? How do we find the sheriff's office when we get into town?" she asked.

"Elementary, my dear Grace." said Mrs. Caloway. "If we find Buck, we find the sheriff. That horse is a legend in his own mind."

* * *

Mrs. Caloway was right. Buck is, in fact, a legend in his own mind, where he found himself surrounded by a band of hooded outlaws. But Buck wasn't afraid.

"So, you think you got the drop on me? Well, think again."

Using his reins as a whip, Buck swatted away the guns from the outlaws and used his karate skills on every single one of them.

As he celebrated his victory, Rusty's voice called out to him. "Buck. Earth to Buck? Buck!"

Buck finally snapped out of it and looked around. All that was in front of him, the hooded outlaws, the wide open desert, was all gone. In their place was Sheriff Sam's office, where he found his owner, sleeping.

"You were sleep-fighting again." said Rusty. "Almost threw a shoe."

"Sorry, buddy." said Buck. "It's just...it seems like all the other horses are out there fighting bad guys and takin' names!"

Then, using his reins again as whip, Buck tried to pull a support beam towards him, which totally backfired, when he found himself hurtling towards the beam, hitting his head.

"Oh, Buck," said Rusty. "This ain't no Dodge City, but we'll get our share of excitement..."

"Hey, sheriff!" boomed a loud voice. "Been waitin' a long time to give you this!"

Sheriff Sam woke up startled, finding himself face-to-face with a short man named Morse who held out a...

"Telegram!"

"Oh, howdy, Morse. What you got there?"

Morse cleared his throat and read the telegram. "Got Evil Eye Joe. Stop. Bringing him today. Stop. Have money ready. Signed, Rico."

"Oh, yeah! Rico caught another one already." said Sheriff Sam as he walked inside his office. "Might as well give him the key to my safe."

"You hear that, Rusty? Rico's comin'." Buck said to Rusty, who replied. "Yeah, yeah, I heard. I ain't deaf, you know."

"Boy, wouldn't that be the life?" thought Buck. "Ridin' with Rico, cleanin' up the west. Kickin' bad-guy behind!"

As he watched his horse friend fighting like crazy, Rusty said to himself, "Good grief."


	6. Wrong Place, Wrong Time

"All right, gang. We're goin' in." Maggie said to the others as they cautiously walked through Chugwater.

Grace was already amazed with what she saw. "Look! There's no fences. What keeps the people from roaming?"

"They appear to be domesticated." said Mrs. Caloway. "It doesn't feel dangerous at all."

"It's perfectly safe." assured Maggie. "Quiet as a farm at milkin' time."

Just then, the gang heard a _BOOM!_

"What was that?" asked Grace.

"It's a gunfight!" panicked Mrs. Caloway.

All around them, many different sounds surrounded them, more louder than the next.

"Run for it!" shouted Snoopy.

"This town has sho gone crazy!" exclaimed Woodstock.

"What do we do? What do we do?" asked Grace as they turned a corner.

"Look, there's a star on that door! said Mrs. Caloway.

"That must be the sheriff's office." thought Maggie. "Move, ladies! Move!"

So they hurried inside, unaware that it was actually a stage entrance to the saloon, where inside, three women were singing a little ditty onstage, while the men watched, completely bored.

Just then, the cows, with Snoopy and Woodstock on top of them, bumped into the saloon gals, who screamed upon seeing them.

"Get those animals off the stage!" ordered Annie.

"Hey, this ain't the sheriff's office." said Woodstock.

The saloon gals charged after the animals, but Mrs. Caloway took off running while Maggie struggled with one of them.

Pretty soon, the enitre saloon was in a free-for-all until Annie couldn't take it anymore.

"That does it!" she shouted, shoving the animals out of the saloon. "Hoof it on out of here, you varmints! Go on!"

"Oh, come back!" pleaded one of the cowboys. "That was the best dang show we ever had!"

"Aw, you've been on the trail too long, you old coot." said Annie as she dragged the cowboy back inside.

* * *

"What kind of sheriff's office is that?" asked Grace, riding on a unicycle.

"Dancing girls, gambling..." humphed Mrs. Caloway. "How does he ever get any work done?"

"I don't know about you guys," said Maggie as she took off the moose head off of _her_ head. "But this town rocks!"

Elsewhere, Snoopy was helping himself up when he came face-to-face with another dog, who asked. "Say, ain't you two the same fellers who walked in that there saloon earlier?"

"Why, yes, we are." said Snoopy. "I'm Snoopy and this is my buddy, Woodstock."

"Hey." greeted Woodstock.

"The name's Buck and this is _my_ pal, Rusty." said Buck.

"Wait, you're Buck, the sheriff's horse?" asked Woodstock.

"The one and only." replied Buck. "So, uh, what can I do for you?"

"Well, glad you asked, Mr. Phony Express." said Maggie. "Woodstock, show 'em why we're really here."

Woodstock pulled out the bank notice and placed it on a nearby barrell.

Buck chuckled a little bit. "You're kidding, right?"

"What's this all about?" asked Rusty.

"We want a word with you about _this!_ " said Maggie, motioning to the bank notice.

"Wai...whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. I see what's going on here." said Buck. "You're trying to get me and/or the sheriff to give you and your little farm more time to scavenge up the money. Well, here's a little reminder; the place went bankrupt!"

"Not for long, it won't." said Woodstock.

"What you talkin' 'bout?" asked Rusty.

"There's going to be a bake sale over at Patch of Heaven." explained Snoopy. "That way we can earn some money for the farm."

Buck let out a scoff. "Good luck with that one, because even if you do make some serious buckaroos, your farm is still doomed."

"Yeah, what he said." agreed Rusty.

"Well, if it does flop," said Maggie. "Just give us two more weeks and we'll have at least sixty bucks in prize money to..."

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but you heard the sheriff." interrupted Buck. "You got three days to pay or get on your way. Hey, that rhymed. Pay, way. Ha! I crack myself up."

"Let me see that paper again." said Rusty, sniffing the bank notice.

'So, how much do we need for the farm?" asked Woodstock.

"Hmm, I'd say you need about..." Rusty kept on sniffing the notice. "...seven hundred and fifty bucks."

"Seven hundred and fifty dollars?" repeated Snoopy.

"That's beyond bogus!" added Woodstock.

"Say what you will, boys." said Buck. "You need to make _that_ much to save your little Patch of Heaven."

"But where are we gonna get all that money?" asked Grace.

"Well, if the bake sale's not a success," said Mrs. Caloway. "Maybe Maggie can just pull it out of her ear."

"Don't push it, Caloway." said Maggie.

Just then, everyone noticed the clouds covering the sun and heard the rumbling of thunder.

"Nobody told me rain was in the forecast." said Woodstock.

"This ain't for rain, little birdie." said Buck.


	7. Money for the Heroes

At that moment, an enormous dust cloud hurtled towards the town.

"Everybody, get down!" shouted Buck.

The cows, Snoopy and Woodstock ducked as the dust blew past them, revealing a steely-eyed stranger on horseback.

"Wow, what an entrance!" said Snoopy.

"Who is that guy?" asked Woodstock.

Buck was flabbergasted with those words. "'Who is that guy?' _'Who is that guy?'_ That's Rico, the best dang bounty hunter this side of the Pecos."

"I could guess from here to tomorrow, but I don't know how you do it, Rico." said Sheriff Sam as Rico tossed his bounty, a bound and gagged outlaw, on the porch.

"Where's the money?" he demanded.

"Well, all right, I got it right here for you." said Sheriff Sam as he handed Rico sixty dollars.

"Hey, they're giving away free money!" exclaimed Maggie.

"Some guys have all the luck." said Woodstock.

So, who else is out there, sheriff?" asked Rico.

"The only varmint left is that low-down, good-for-nothin' Alameda Slim, cattle rustler!" said Sheriff Sam as he pulled out a wanted poster of Slim off the wall.

"Hmm." said Rico as he looked at the poster. "How much is he?"

"Seven hundred and fifty dollars."

Maggie's face lit up when she heard that Slim was worth the same money needed for Patch of Heaven.

"I got it! Why don't we go nab that Alameda Slim and use the reward money to save the farm?"

"Oh, that is a sensible idea." groaned Mrs. Caloway.

"I knew you'd love it!" said Maggie.

"Tch, don't they have sarcasm where you come from?" asked Mrs. Caloway.

"Oh, wake up and smell the alfalfa! It's perfect!" said Maggie as she and the others walked away.

"Yeah, good luck with that!" Buck called out. "You're gonna need it."

"Well, so much for their little bake sale." said Rusty.

"I knew it was gonna go downhill anyway." repiled Buck.

"You and me both, partner." said Rusty.

"I'm gonna need a fresh horse." They could hear Rico say to Sheriff Sam, who, then, said. "Hmm, a horse. A horse. Let me think. I reckon you'd want a fast horse, huh? Real fast? Course, he'd also have to be able to go for days without food or drink...stealthy, sure-footed in any terrain..."

While Sheriff Sam was thinking it over, Buck practiced any trick he can do to get Rico's attention, which he succeeded when Rico asked. "What about that horse?"

"What, you mean Buck here?" said Sheriff Sam. "Boy, I don't know. Buck's fast, all right, but he's kind of a handful."

"I guess he'll do." said Rico as he placed his saddle on Buck's back.

"Well, suit yourself." said Sheriff Sam as he led Rico into his office.

Buck let out a squeal. "It worked, Rusty! It worked! I'm wearing Rico's saddle! I'm wearing Rico's saddle!"

"Great. I'll leave you two alone." said Rusty as he crawled under the porch.

That's when Buck heard Mrs. Caloway's voice.

"Let me get this straight," she said. "Three dairy cows, a dog and a canary, who've never been off their farm, out to scour the entire West for a wanted outlaw, bring him in and collect the $750 reward all in less than three days."

"That's the idea!" said Maggie.

Buck humphed to himself. He doesn't think the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock could really capture Slim.

And neither does Mrs. Caloway.

"Oh, oh, no. No, no, no." she said. "There is no way in heaven or earth that animals can catch an outlaw."

"Look, all we've got to do is follow this chuck wagon to a cattle drive." said Maggie as she helped herself to some corn and carrots that were sticking out of the chuck wagon. "And then, you see, we let the bad guys come to us."

"We've no reason to believe this chuck wagon is heading off to a cattle drive." said Mrs. Caloway, before she and the others heard a donkey call out. "Hey, Tommy! Have fun on that cattle drive!"

"All right, then." replied Tommy the bull.

"Looks like we got us a ride." said Woodstock before Mrs. Caloway shushed him, saying. "We are not following this wagon. End of discussion."

"Come on, Caloway." said Maggie as she elbowed the older cow. "It'll be fun!"

Now, Mrs. Caloway was not used to being touched, but when Maggie did so, well...

"Did you just hit me?" she asked.

"Kinda." replied Maggie, touching Mrs. Caloway again.

"Well, stop it." she demanded.

"Why?"

"Because I don't like it."

Maggie just kept on touching Mrs. Caloway, but when she butted the older cow, her hat came flying off her head and into the mud.

Mrs. Caloway was not happy about it and neither was Grace.

"Oh, no. Not the hat." she said.

"What?" asked Maggie. "What about the..."

Before Maggie could continue, Mrs. Caloway butted her into the mud and placed her hat back on her head, just before Maggie butted _her_.

All right, all right, violence is not going to solve anything." said Grace. "Why don't we all take a deep cleansing breath..."

But Maggie and Mrs. Caloway ignored her as they fought in the center of town.

"Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!" shouted Snoopy, Woodstock and Rusty.

Buck chanted too until some mud landed on Rico's saddle.

"Hey, watch where you're throwing!" he called out.

* * *

Inside his office, Sheriff Sam and Rico saw the commotion Maggie and Mrs. Caloway were causing.

"What in tarnation?" he said to himself.

* * *

"Maggie, for the last time, I will not be roped into this scheme."

Only too bad for Mrs. Caloway, because just then, she felt her neck getting roped...by Sheriff Sam, who roped Maggie and Grace as well.

"Come on, you crazy heifers! Come on!" he said, tying up the cows to the back of the chuck wagon.

"Hey, partner!" Sheriff Sam called out to the driver. "Curb your livestock. This town is clean."

"Wow, free cows! What a country!" the driver said in Chinese. "Giddy-up!"

The chuck wagon rode off, with Maggie, Mrs. Caloway and Grace tied in the back.

"Not exactly what I had in mind," said Maggie. "But this'll work."

"Well, it doesn't work for me!" complained Mrs. Caloway.

"Cattle drive, here we come!" exclaimed Woodstock as he and Snoopy hopped on the cows' back.

Just then, they heard a horse's neigh. It was Buck, carrying Rico in his back.

"Hasta la vista, losers!" he called out.

"I'm really starting to hate that horse." said Woodstock.

"You're not the only one." reminded Mrs. Caloway.

* * *

While all of this was happening, Pearl and the Peanuts gang had arrived at Chugwater.

Aside from the bake sale, they were planning to act as a charity concert to make some money for Patch of Heaven.

They set up a little booth and, with Pearl as the conductor, the Peanuts gang began to sing.

 _Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam,_  
 _Where the deer and the antelope play,_

"This'll never work." Lucy muttered to Schroeder through song.

 _Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,_  
 _And the skies are not cloudy all day._

 _Home, home on the range,_  
 _Where the deer and the antelope play,_  
 _Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,_  
 _And the skies are not cloudy all day._

The townspeople walked over to the booth as the Peanuts gang continued singing.

 _Oh, give me a land where the bright diamond sand,_  
 _Flows leisurely down in the stream,_

"Told you this'll work." Schroeder said to Lucy through song.

 _Where the graceful white swan goes gliding along,_  
 _Like a maid in a heavenly dream._

 _Home, home on the range,_  
 _Where the deer and the antelope play,_  
 _Where seldom is heard a discouraging word,_  
 _And the skies are not cloudy all day._

Everyone clapped and placed their money in a pail that Pearl held out.

'"Say, Pearl, what are y'all doing singing carols?" asked Sheriff Sam as he walked towards the group. "It ain't Christmastime yet."

"Oh, we were just doing a little concert to make some moo-lah for little ol' Patch of Heaven." said Peppermint Patty. "It was all Chuck's idea."

"No, it was _my_ idea." said Schroeder. "Of course, I would've stuck with Beethoven than that."

"It's the Wild West, Schroeder." reminded Lucy. "Nobody cares about dumb old Beethoven."

"All right, you two. That's enough." said Pearl as she passed out some flyers to Schroeder and Lucy. "Now why don't you go nail these all over town."

"Nail what all over town?" asked Sheriff Sam.

"Oh, you didn't know." said Peppermint Patty. "There's going to be a bake sale at Patch of Heaven tomorrow."

"It was Charlie Brown's idea." added Linus.

Sheriff Sam smiled. "Well, I can't say 'no' to a bake sale. I just love Pearl's cookin'."

"Why, that's very nice of you, Sam." said a flattered Pearl.

"I'll stop by tomorrow to check on your progress." said Sheriff Sam as he walked off to his office. "Good luck, folks."

"Thank you, sheriff." The Peanuts gang called out.

"OK, Marcie, how much have we got?" asked Pearl.

"Well, so far, we have about $75 dollars." said Marcie.

"It's still not enough!" complained Lucy. "I knew this concert was a bad idea."

"Now, now, Lucy, think positive." said Pearl. "We still have tomorrow to make some more money. Now let's get back to the farm."

As he watched Pearl and the Peanuts gang leave Chugwater, Sheriff Sam smiled to himself. "Good ol' Pearlie. She never gives up."


	8. The Song of the Yodeler

On their way to the cattle drive, Grace was singing the same song the Peanuts gang sang back at Chugwater, terribly, when the sound of a gavel cut her off.

"What was that?"

"It's a farm auction, Grace." said Maggie.

"And that's the last of the furniture." The cows, Snoopy and Woodstock could hear the auctioneer announce as the chuck wagon rode past a ranch. "The final item to be auctioned is this piece of real property known heretofore as the Dixon farm."

The chuck wagon rode past a barn, where inside, the friends could see tons of pictures, newspaper clippings, trophies and ribbons in one of the stalls.

"What's going to happen to the cow who lived there?" wondered Snoopy.

"She'll be OK." replied Maggie.

"How do you know?" asked Grace.

"You're lookin' at her."

"This was your farm?" asked Woodstock.

Maggie nodded her head yes. "We had, like, a family, too, you know."

"What happened?" asked Grace.

"Alameda Slim took it all away."

The last thing Maggie remembered was the evil cackle of Alameda Slim and all her fellow cattle being stolen.

"Sold to Mr. Yancy O'Del!" announced the auctioneer.

"Pleasure doing business with you." sneered Yancy O. Del as he placed his bag of money on the auctioneer's stand.

"We're really sorry, Maggie." said Snoopy as the chuck wagon pressed on.

* * *

It was already dark when the chuck wagon arrived at a...

"Cattle drive. Told ya." said Maggie. "Y'all owe me a dollar."

"Step lightly, girls." fretted Mrs. Caloway. "The male of the species can be extremely hostile."

"Oh, relax, Mrs. C." assured Snoopy. "It's not like they haven't seen a cow before."

As the cows passed by, Bob, one of the longhorns looked up to see Maggie, Mrs. Caloway and Grace behind the wagon.

"Hey, Barry." he whispered to his fellow longhorn. "Check this out."

Barry looked up with amazement. "Ooh, dairy cows!"

All the other longhorns looked up and found themselves smitten with the new arrivals.

"Oh, hey, how's it going?" greeted Grace as she and her friends kept on moving. "Oh, hello. Let me guess. You're a Taurus. "

"Whatever you do," said Mrs. Caloway. "Just keep moving and avoid eye contact."

"Whoa, Bessie!" exclaimed Woodstock, for he and Mrs. Caloway found themselves face to face with Barry, who asked. "Pardon me, but what are a bunch of fine critters like you..."

"...doing on a drive like this?" finished Bob.

"Just ignore them, and perhaps they'll go away." informed Mrs. Caloway.

"Oh, they seem like nice guys." said Grace. "Maybe they can help us."

"Why, sure we can help you." replied Bob.

"Maybe we can help each other." cooed Barry.

"Hey, back off, Casanova and Romeo!" said Snoopy. "We're here strictly on business."

"Ooh, sounds pretty exciting." said Bob. "What kind of business are y'all doing?"

"We're looking for a cattle rustler named Alameda Slim."

"Grace!" hissed the others.

"Hey, it doesn't hurt to ask." said Grace.

"Slim?" chorlted Bob.

"Why, Slim's just a scary bedtime story to get little calves to behave." said Barry.

Just then, there was a _BANG!_

A gunshot ricocheted a pot, causing it to douse the fire.

"What's that?" asked Woodstock.

Grace gasped. "It must be Slim and the Willies."

"Slim and the Willies?" the longhorns repeated in terror.

"Don't worry, darlin'." Barry said to Mrs. Caloway, getting too close. "I shall protect you."

"You have exactly two seconds to remove your hoof before I snap it off at the knee." threatened Mrs. Caloway.

Oh, uh, sorry, ma'am." said Barry. "I thought you were the blonde."

Having been annoyed enough, Mrs. Caloway hit Barry with her leg, knocking him out cold.

Meanwhile, the Wille brothers were tying up the cowboys to a nearby yucca.

"Come on, girls." said Maggie. "It's time to lose these ropes."

As the cows removed their bounds, they heard someone shout, "Ho-yah! Hyah!"

"Maggie, I'm stuck." said Grace, still roped to the chuck wagon.

But there was no time to get her out. A large man riding a buffalo was flying towards the friends.

"Everybody out of the way!" shouted Woodstock.

They all made way just as the stranger and his buffalo landed on the ground.

"That must be Slim!" guessed Snoopy as he saw the man take off his bandana.

"It's payback time." said Maggie. "Cover me!"

"With what?" asked Grace.

"Howdy, Slim!" greeted the Willes before Slim slapped their faces.

"Quiet, you fools." he snarled. "We've got work to do.

 _Now listen up_  
 _There are crooks in this here West_  
 _Who have claimed to be the best,_  
 _And think they wrote the book on how to rustle_

Maggie charged after Slim, but he moved at the last second, causing her to bump into a nearby fence post.

 _Well, as good as they may be,_  
 _Not a one's as good as me,_  
 _An' I barely have to move a single muscle_  
 _They call me mean, boys,_  
 _Depraved and nasty too_  
 _And they ain't seen, boys,_  
 _The cruelest thing I do_

Maggie charged again at Slim, who, unfortunately, had an ace up his sleeve as one of the Willies tossed him his guitar.

 _You see, I yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odle_  
 _The sweetest way of rustlin' yet devised_  
 _'Cause when I yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odle_  
 _Why, looky how them cows git hypnotized_

At that moment, Maggie and all the longhorns found themselves in a yodel-trance, so did Mrs. Caloway and Woodstock, as the Willies joined in Slim's song

 **Bill:** _He don't prod  
_ **Phil:** _He don't yell  
_ **Gill:** _Still he drives them doggies well_  
 **All Willies:** _Which ain't easy when your chaps are labeled XXXXL_

 _Yes, if yer lookin' from a bovine point of view,_  
 _I sure can yodel-adle-eedle-idle_  
 _Yodel-adle-eedle-idle_  
 _Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo_

"Here we go, boys!" Slim called out to his nephews. "Five thousand cattle in the side pocket!"

Then he went on yodeling from the "William Tell Overture" to "Yankee Doodle," from "Dixie" to "Beethoven's Ode to Joy."

The only ones that weren't hypnotized were Snoopy and Grace, who tried to stop their friends from dancing away with Slim, but they were powerless to do so.

 _Yes, I can yodel-adle-eedle-odel!  
_ **Willie Brothers:** _A sound them cattle truly take to heart!  
Yeah, I can yodel-adle-eedle-idle-odel-adle-eedle-idle-odel  
An' smack my big ol' rump if that ain't art!_

While trying to catch up with Maggie, Mrs. Caloway and Woodstock, Grace and Snoopy rolled the chuck wagon down the hill, scooping up their friends.

 **Gill:** _He don't rope,  
_ **Bill:** _Not a chance!  
_ **Phil:** _He just puts 'em in a trance -_  
 **All Willies:** _He's a pioneer Pied Piper in ten-gallon underpants!_

 _Yep! I'm the real rip-roarin' deal to those who moo_  
 _Thanks to my yodel-adle-eedle-idle_  
 _Dodle-adle-eedle-idle_  
 _I got the cattle out the ol' wazoo_  
 _'Cause I can yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo_  
 _Yodel-adle-eedle-idle-oo_

As Slim was yodeling, he could see the cowboys, Rico and Buck charging after him. Thinking fast, he threw his spurs towards a humongous rectangular boulder, which fell between the cracks, giving Slim the opportunity to escape with his herd of hypnotized cattle.


	9. Replaced by Another Horse

The chuck wagon, with the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock inside, rode up the hill, then back down, crashing into Rico and Buck.

Rico helped himself up just before the cowboys rode up to him.

"Rico, if you'd just been a second earlier, you'd have had that rustler dead to rights." said one of the cowboys.

"You boys see anything before I got here?"

"Yeah, we sure did there, Rico. We were just settin' down to supper, when all of a sudden the lights went out."

While the cowboys told Rico what happened, Maggie crawled out of the ruined wagon, with Woodstock on top of her.

"What happened?" he asked.

"I'll tell you what happened," said Maggie. "What part of 'cover me' did any of you understand?"

"Is everybody OK?" asked Snoopy.

"I don't know." said Mrs. Caloway. "I feel like I was dreaming."

"Yeah." agreed Maggie. "Slim started singing and all of a sudden, I lost track of everything."

"Singing? That didn't sound like singing to me." said Grace. "And, you know, I have perfect pitch."

"Uh, yes." groaned Maggie. "Grace, about your perfect pitch..."

"All right, show's over!" interrupted Buck as he freed himself from the wagon wreckage. "You're interfering with official police bidness!"

He then called out to Rico, who was still talking with the cowboys. "Be right with you, big guy. Buck is on the case. You know. Whoo!"

Then he hurried over to the cows, Snoopy and Woddstock. "Don't embarrass me in front of my partner. Please!"

"Rico is your partner?" smirked Mrs. Caloway.

Snoopy and Woodstock laughed uncontrollably as Maggie asked. "So, how does that work exactly? I mean, do you get to ride him on odd days or even?"

"Hey, shut up!" snapped Buck. "He chose me specifically because I have skills that are essential to capturing our quarry."

"Oh, yeah. Prove it!" said Woodstock.

"You want proof, little birdie?" replied Buck. "I'll show ya some proof. Where are they at?!"

"What...the heck?" Rico said to himself as he saw Buck acting crazy in front of the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock.

"You boys headed back to town?" he asked.

"Yes, sir." said one of the cowboys. "We got to go file a report with the sheriff."

"Give him back his horse." commanded Rico. "This one's too skittish around cows."

"As you can see, my friends," said Buck. "That's what makes me and Rico equal parts of one lean mean crime-fighting..."

Before he could finish, Rico rode past him up the hill, on another horse!

"...machine?" concluded Buck, shocked that he had been replaced.

"Well, so much for the dream team." said Snoopy.

"Now, I'm no professional, but I'd say the only mano-a-mano you'll be doing is in your dreams." taunted Maggie. "Oh, look out, Buck! He's making a move on your left flank. Kaboosh!"

"Maggie, quit horsing around and let's go!" Mrs. Caloway as she began to walk up the hill.

Grace and Woodstock stay behind as Maggie and Snoopy caught up with Mrs. Caloway.

"Buck, I realize you're very upset," said Grace. "But if you'd like to join our group and help us bring in Slim, we'd be happy to have you. However, there are a few anger-management issues we need to discuss."

"I just lost my job to another horse," fumed Buck. "And it's all your fault!"

"Hey, you were the one making a complete jack..."

Before Woodstock could contiune, Grace lowered her head down and her pot fell on top of him.

"Bye." she quickly said before catching up with her friends.

Woodstock flew up to Buck, holding onto the pot with his feet.

"I'll deal with you later!" he said, hitting the horse's chin with the pot.

As he watched Woodstock fly off, Buck grumbled to himself. "Ah, who needs 'em? Heck, I can catch that Slim with one hoof tied behind my back."

But then, he thought to himself. "Wait a minute. Why don't I? Yes! Partner or no partner, that's what I'm-a do."

Just then, the cowboys caught ahold of Buck, but he fought back and broke free. He then took off, arrogantly passing through the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock. "Outta my way! Hero passing on the left!"

"Hey, watch it!" Woodstock called out.

"Where are you going, hotfoot?" asked Maggie.

"I am gonna go nab that rustler and show Rico I got what it takes!" boasted Buck. "So say good-bye to your stupid farm, because Slim is mine, all mine!"

Then he hopped off the cliff and trotted down a rocky moutain slope.

Woodstock had just about had it with Buck. "Why, that over-grown, self-absorbed..."

"Hey, hey, easy, buddy." said Snoopy. "You'll get your chance, Woodstock. You will get your chance."

"Oh, puh-lease." scoffed Mrs. Caloway. "How can we compete with that?"

"Look at the bright side, Mrs. C." said Grace. "Don't forget about our secret weapon."

"Secret weapon?" repeated Mrs. Caloway.

"Who better to catch a cattle thief than a cow?" said Grace.

"Yeah, even you can't argue with that kind of logic." agreed Maggie.

"You know, Grace," said Mrs. Caloway as she and the others walked up the mountain. "Maggie does so love your singing. How about a song?"

"Oh, good grief." groaned Maggie.


	10. That's Mr Yancy O'Del to You

Meanwhile, Slim and the Willies had just herded up their stolen cattle in an abandoned mine.

"Ha, ha!" laughed Slim. "Five-thousand Texas longhorns. Not bad for one night's work."

Two of the Willies, Phil and Bill, were not paying attention. They were playing with a paper fortune teller.

"Pick a color." Phil said to Bill.

"I said, 'not bad for one night's work!'" repeated Slim, whom the Willies turned their attention to and clapped their hands.

"And judging by the ear mark," Slim went on, examing one of the cows. "I'd say these are the last of Big Mike Donald's herd."

"Big Mike Donald had a farm?" asked Gil.

"E-l-E-l..." sang Phil and Bill before Slim bonked them in the heads with his fists. "Ohh..."

"That's right, he had a farm." said Slim as he walked up to his changing screen. "Now that all his cash cows have disappeared, that poor sap's gonna be flat broke. Perfect time for a certain upstanding land owner to step in and take all the land!"

When Slim came out of the screen, he was dressed as Yancy O'Del.

"Aah! Who are you?" asked Phil.

"What did you do with Uncle Slim?" added Bill.

"Put up your dukes, Mr. Fancy Britches." threatened Phil but Slim retaliated by squeezing his hand painfully. "Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah-aah!"

"It's me. Hello?" said Slim as he swatted Phil with his hat. "This here is the disguise I use to sneak into all them auctions and buy all the land, you brainless monotone monkeys."

"Shoot, you got to be the richest land baron in the west." said Gil.

"Yes, but the part that really warms my heart...is watching those homesteaders suffer." said Slim as he pulled an branding iron, in the shape of a dollar sign, from the stove and pressed it on Mike Donald's farm and the Dixon Ranch on his map.

"Back in the day, I worked the highfalutinest ranches you ever seen," he went on. "But those stuck-up ranch bosses couldn't appreciate my talents."

"Maybe they just didn't like your singing." said Phil.

Slim grinded his teeth in anger. "My singing?"

Bill quick covered his brother's mouth as Slim pointed the branding iron at them, saying. "Songbirds sing. Saloon gals sing. Little bitty snot-nosed children sing. I yodel! And yodeling _is an art!_ "

"Well, maybe they just didn't like your yodeling." said Bill before Phil covered _his_ mouth.

Slim angrily swung the branding iron at Phil and Bill, who dodged every one of his swings.

"He didn't mean it, Uncle Slim." said Gil. "Everybody likes yodeling."

Slim raised up an eyebrow. "Hmm?"

"Why, it's one of the funniest, cornball, goofy, silly sounds in the whole west."

Slim's temper bolied over as he swung the branding iron at Gil, but he ducked, revealing a piece of land unbranded on the map, which Slim looked at, shocked that he missed one.

"Uh, Gil?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Am I correct in assuming that each and every time we brought a herd back to this secret lair, you managed to sit in the exact same spot, blocking that choice piece of property from my view?!"

"This is my comfy place." Gil would say before Slim grabbed him by the neck.

"It's called Patch of Heaven, Uncle Slim." Phil said, looking at the newspaper. "Goes on auction Thursday morning."

"Perfect." said Slim, who released his grip on Phil. "Pencil it in. Thursday morning, right after we sell off this herd."

"But it's just a little old dirt farm." reminded Bill.

"Ah, what's the difference?" said Slim. "When you're talking revenge, every last acre counts."

Then he pressed the branding iron on his map, where Patch of Heaven is.


	11. A Bittersweet Success

And speaking of Patch of Heaven, back there, the bake sale was a success.

Everyone had came all the way from Chugwater to try some of Pearl's homemade goodies.

Later, after they had left, Sheriff Sam rode up to the farm.

"I trust your bake sale is being profitable?" he asked.

"You bet it is, chief!" said Peppermint Patty. "Marcie's inside the house, counting up the money we've made so far."

Marcie stepped out of the house, looking glum.

"Well, how much money do we have now, sweetie?" asked Pearl.

Marcie let out a sad sigh. "We've only made $250 dollars."

"Two-hundred and fifty dollars?!" everyone repeated in shock.

"Good grief!" exclaimed Peppermint Patty. "That means we're $500 dollars short."

"Still ain't enough, I'm afraid." said Sheriff Sam as he hammered a sign into the dirt.

Lucy glared at Charlie Brown. "I should've known better than to listen to you, blockhead!"

Then she stormed into the house.

The farm animals watched and were starting to get worried.

"I don't get it." said one of the little piggies. "Weren't the cows supposed to come back?"

"Daddy, what's going to happen if they don't come back?" asked another piggy.

"Oh, don't you worry, sonny." said Ollie. "I'm sure they'll be back soon."

"Hogwash!" said Jeb. "We all know they're never coming back."

Ollie chuckled a bit. "You don't know that, Jeb."

But Jeb went on. "Everybody knows that bovines are the most intelligent, crafty animals in the west."

"Yeah. He's right, you know." Larry said to the hens.

"Doesn't take a cow to figure it out. They saw the writing on the wall and flown the coop while the getting was good."

"What?" said Ollie.

"Oh, no! They tricked us and deserted us!" panicked Audrey.

Then all the other animals started to panic, while Ollie tried to calm them down.

"Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me!"

The animals stopped in their tracks and stared at Ollie.

Seeing that he got their attention, the pig cleared his thorat. "Let's not forget who we're talkin' 'bout. Audrey, remember when Grace helped you figure out why you crossed the road? And, Jeb, Miss Caloway knew just what to do when your head got stuck in that spittoon."

"Get off my case!" shouted Jeb.

"And Maggie was gonna make us all winners." Ollie went on. "I truly believe there ain't nothin' those three cows can't do."

As soon as he spoke, the animals saw Sheriff Sam place a box on the ground Inside the box that said, _"Buy One. Get Three Free,"_ were Audrey's chicks.

"Well, whatever they're gonna do," said Jeb. "They better do it soon!"

Before he left, Sheriff Sam turned to Pearl, who was staring out at the countryside.

"I'm so very sorry, Pearl." he said. "At least you did your best."

"Thank you, Sam." replied Pearl, not looking.

As Sheriff Sam rode off, Charlie Brown walked up to Pearl.

"So we're only $500 dollars short." he said. "But that doesn't mean we can't give up."

"Oh, what's the use?" groaned Pearl. "I'm just plum out of ideas."

"That's not true." said Charlie Brown. "There must be another way to save your farm."

Pearl just sighed. "Charlie Brown, I don't know what's worse; losing my farm to the highest bidder or knowing that...that my girls and your dog are lost and alone out there."


	12. Washed Away

Somewhere out in the desert, Snoopy was sniffing out the tracks that were made by Slim's herd of stolen cattle

"How's it goin', Snoop Dog?" asked Maggie.

"Either I'm getting good at this or his scent is getting stronger." said Snoopy.

"Go get him, Snoopy!" encouraged Woodstock.

* * *

Already ahead, Buck was following the trail as well when he heard Grace's voice. "Look out, Slim! We're on your trail!"

"Oh, you've gotta kidding me." said Buck as he saw the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock far behind him.

He knew he had to get them out of his way. But how?

As Buck looked down at the trail, an idea struck.

"This oughta lose 'em." he said to himself slyly.

Then, as fast as he could go, the hot-headed horse rode all over the desert.

* * *

By the time the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock climbed up the hill, they found themselves surrounded by tracks that were scattered everywhere, not in a single line.

"Good grief!" exclaimed Woodstock.

"This has Buck written all over it." realized Mrs. Caloway.

But Maggie was determined to keep going. "We're not gonna let some selfish over-grown donkey stop us. Sooner or later, all these paths will hook up, and then..."

Before Maggie could continue, however, she saw that it started to rain, which, unfortunately, washed away the tracks.

"Quick!" Maggie said to the others. "Don't lose that trail."

"What trail? I can't see anything." said Mrs. Caloway.

But as the friends hurried up and down the hill, she gasped in horror upon seeing the water rise. "Flash flood! Get to high ground!"

The thunder rumbled as Mrs. Caloway, Grace, Woodstock and Snoopy cllimbed up the hill to safety. But where was...

"Maggie!" shouted Grace.

Maggie was still looking for the cattle tracks, even though they've already been dissolved.

As her friends hurried down the hil, they saw a huge tidal wave coming towards them.

The friends tried to outrun the wave, but they were swept away.

Mrs. Caloway, Snoopy and Woodstock popped out of the water and swam towards the chest that Grace was on top of.

"Cow overboard!" shouted Woodstock.

The friends could see Maggie lose her grip on a stagecoach wheel and sink into the water. But Mrs. Caloway dove down and helped her out.

* * *

They finally made it to a small covered hil, coughing and sputtering.

But Maggie wasn't ready to admit defeat. "No! Come on, you guys, we can't give up!"

"Maggie, that's enough." fumed Mrs. Caloway. "The minute this lets up, we're heading straight home to Patch of Heaven."

"Wait, we're giving up? Just like that?" said Woodstock.

"But what about catching Slim and collecting the reward?" added Maggie.

Mrs. Caloway just shook her head. "We never had a prayer of catching Slim in the first place. This whole ridiculous plan is just so _you_ can get revenge on those cattle rustlers."

"Hey! For your information, Duchess, this whole ridiculous plan is about us saving our farm!" snapped Maggie.

Mrs. Caloway let out a humph. "Our farm might've had a fighting chance until you came along."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Strutting around with your vulgar show-cow behavior."

"Look, I was just having..."

'Wasting our time on your foolish plans." Mrs. Caloway went on. "Through the years, Patch of Heaven has survived every hardship that nature can dish out. But you, Maggie, are the biggest catastrophe to ever hit our farm."

That was Maggie could stand from someone so...stubborn.

"Well, if that's the way you feel about it," she said. "Maybe we should just go our separate ways!"

"Now, that's the first good idea you've ever had." agreed Mrs. Caloway.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

Grace, Snoopy and Woodstock sadly watched as Maggie and Mrs. Caloway turned their backs on each other.

Maggie was even more sadder, for she knew she was going to lose another home.

"Yeah. Fine." she said back to Mrs. Caloway. "It's not like your farm was ever gonna feel like home to me anyways."

* * *

Back at Patch of Heaven, as Pearl was packing up her things, she took a look at some framed portraits. One was of herself and her animal friends while Grace and Mrs. Caloway were shown in the others as calves.

She walked over to the barn and stared at Grace and Mrs. Caloway's empty stalls as Charlie Brown walked up to her quietly, with the Peanuts gang behind him.

"Pearl," he said. "We've been thinking..."

"Since you're probabaly gonna lose your animal family at the auction..." added Peppermint Patty.

"We were wondering if you would like to be part of ours." concluded Linus.

"You said so yourself, Pearl" said Lucy. "Families can't be sold."

Pearl looked at them for a moment, then smiled.

"How did I get so lucky with you kids?"

She kneeled down and wrapped her hands around the Peanuts gang as the farm animals watched.

* * *

Meanwhile at Chugwater, the cowboys had informed Sheriff Sam about Buck's escape.

He rubbed his face in remorse and thanked them, then turned his attention to his saddle.

He missed Buck, and from the look on Rusty's face, Sheriff Sam can tell he felt the same way.

* * *

And speaking of Buck, he was just about to give up when he spotted a Wanted poster of Slim nailed on a tree.

As he saw the evil grin on Slim's face, Buck's determination became merged with anger as he rode off in search of the wanted outlaw.


	13. Breakfast at Lucky Jack's

The storm had died down when morning came.

Inside their shelter, Mrs. Caloway woke up to find Maggie munching on her hat while Snoopy and Woodstock were sleeping on top of her.

"Oh, good grief." she said to herself. "Maggie. Maggie. Wake up!"

"Check, please!" Maggie blurted out.

She then turned to see Mrs. Caloway glaring at her.

Realzing she was eating her favorite hat, Maggie placed it back on Mrs. Caloway's head, but still, the older cow didn't smile, even though Maggie tried to make one on her face.

"It tasted a lot better in my sleep." she said.

"Well, since you two are already up," said Snoopy. "I think we need to talk about last night."

"There's nothing else to talk about." said Mrs. Caloway. "We've made it clear that we would part ways. Right, Maggie?"

"Mm-hmm."

"But, where will you go?" asked Woodstock.

"Oh, probably check out the Grand Canyon." thought Maggie. "See Utah before I die."

"Wait a minute. Where's Grace?" said Mrs. Caloway.

"Here I am!" announced Grace. "Boy, am I glad you guys are up. Hey, come look at this."

Maggie, Mrs. Caloway, Snoopy and Woodstock walked out of their shelter to find what appears to be a campground. In front of them were five cactus bowls. Three of them were filled with leaves while the other two contained dog food and bird seed.

"What on earth?" said an astonised Mrs. Caloway. "Where did all this come from?"

"Hey, it's green, it's leafy, and it's free." said Maggie, already munching on her bowl.

Before the others joined in, a jackrabbit zoomed past them, rolling a cartwheel towards a metal tub to make a table for his guests.

"Howdy-do, partners. I see you're already tucked into your appetizer." he said. "Never knew a pretty lady that didn't have an appetite."

"Oh, now, see here, you ruffian..."

"He's not a ruffian, Mrs. Caloway." assured Grace. "He's a genuine desert shaman...our very own wise man."

"Shaman, chef, chief cook, and bottle washer." added the rabbit as he started a fire with his pegleg. "I'm a jackrabbit of all trades and at your service. Folks around these parts call me Lucky Jack. Yep, they used to come from miles around just to get one rub of my lucky rabbit's foot."

Only too bad for Lucky Jack, because his "lucky rabbit's foot," or, in his case, pegleg had caught fire.

"Whoo! Dagnabit!"

He tried to blow the fire out, but when that didn't work, he had to put it in his mouth. Steam hissed from his ears as the fire went out.

"Doe this happen all the time?" asked Woodstock.

"Every time, little birdie." replied Lucky Jack.

"It's Woodstock." said the little bird, who was sick of being referred to as "little biride."

"Whatever." said Lucky Jack as he pulled out a live scorpion from his bag. "Now let me just get this on the fire and it'll be ready directly."

"Look, we appreciate the early bird special." said Maggie. "But we don't eat meat. It's kind of like a professional courtesy."

"Perhaps we'll dine with you some other time." added Mrs. Caloway. "You see, Grace and I are returning to our farm to say our last good-byes."

"Yeah." agreed Grace. "We need closure."

"Well, I can sympathize there, sister, I truly can. " said Lucky Jack. "Until recently, I, too, had a home. Echo Mine, it was called. Us jackrabbits lived there for generation after generation. Till some land-grabbing bandit moved in and flushed us out like yesterday's oatmeal."

"Aw, you poor bunny." said Woodstock as he hugged the homeless rabbit.

An unmoved Mrs. Caloway, however, just cleared her throat. "Excuse us. My good fellow, we must be on our way."

"Wait! There he is!" shouted Lucky Jack as he pointed at a Wanted poster hanging from a cactus. And guess who was on the poster?

"Slim!" exclaimed Maggie. "You mean this no-good varmint is hiding out in Echo Mine right now?"

"Without a doubt." replied Lucky Jack.

"Maggie, what are you thinking?" asked Mrs. Caloway

"Look, I got a score to settle with that rhinestone fat boy and nothing to lose." explained Maggie

"But it'll be dangerous going after Slim all by yourself." reminded Grace.

"Hey, I've got the bird, the rabbit, and the dog." said Maggie, referring to Woodstock, Lucky Jack and Snoopy.

"That's not all you got, Maggie." said Grace. "You got us."

"Oh, no." stuttered Mrs. Caloway as she dragged Grace along with here. "No, no, no, no. We are sticking to our plan and going home."

"Hold on just one second, you two." said Maggie. "As strange as this sounds, Grace is actually making sense."

"She is?" asked Snoopy.

"You want the money and I want to get even with Slim." Maggie went on. "The five of us go together, and we're sure to get him. Once you collect the reward, I'll walk out your front gate and I'll stay out of it forever. Deal?"

For a moment, Mrs. Caloway just stared at Maggie coldly.

"Your powers of persuasion are uncanny." she said finally. "Deal."

"Ha! Bovine bounty hunters! Now I've seen everything." said Lucky Jack as he headed up the hill. "Let's get moving, y'all. Time for an underground smackdown."

And they were off!

* * *

 _Out in the land where the heroes meet their makers_  
 _Out in the land where the hale and hardy fall_  
 _Out where the fearless get the shudders,_  
 _Justice is here, and it's wearin' udders!_  
 _Yee-Ha! The cows are walkin' tall!_

 _Home, Home,_  
 _This ain't it, pal!_  
 _Home, Home,_  
 _Home on the range!_  
 _Home, Home,_  
 _Better go git, pal!_  
 _Home, Home,_  
 _Home on the range..._


	14. Very Important Cows and Guests

"OK, boys, let's go through it one last time." Slim said to his nephews, back inside Echo Mine. "Who am I?"

"Uncle Slim?" guessed Phil.

"Correct!" chuckled Slim. "Now, I put on my hat...then I put on my spectacles..."

But as he did so, the Willies started to panic all over again.

"Hey! Who are you?" demanded Phil.

"Where's Uncle Slim?" added Bill.

Slim groaned angrily. "It's still me! Can't you stupid sack of hammers get it right?"

Just then, a train whistle echoed inside the mine.

"Oh, the ever-punctual Mr. Weasley." said Slim. "OK, everybody make way for the big man in black market livestock."

As Slim walked off to meet up with the buyer, Phil put on the hat and glasses, causing his brothers to panic.

"Aah!" shrieked Gil.

"Hey, who're you?" added Bill.

* * *

Once he got off the train, the buyer tried to find his way through the herd of stolen cattle when Slim fished him out.

"Feast your eyes." he exclaimed. "Five-thousand cows on the barrelhead as promised, Mr. Weaseley."

"The name's Wesley." grumbled Wesley as he tossed a bag full of money to Slim. "So, Slim, what do you say we get a move on and load these cash cows onto the train A.S.A.P., huh? Let's go."

"Yes, yes, of course." said Slim. "Just as soon as I finish counting."

* * *

Outside, the friends walked up a steep cliff to the mine entrance.

"Well, I take my hat off to you, Jack," said Mrs. Caloway. "But you've got us here in one piece."

"Well, seein' is believin'." said Lucky Jack.

"And I don't believe what I see." said Maggie.

Mrs. Caloway gasped. "Oh, it's Buck!"

"How did he get here before us?" asked Woodstock.

"I don't know and I don't care." said Maggie.

* * *

Buck was trying to get inside the mine, but Slim's buffalo, Junior, wouldn't let him in.

"Cows only." he would say.

"Listen, big guy," said Buck. "You don't understand my situation."

"No, _you_ don't understand." interrupted Junior. "So I'll say it again. The only critters that get by me are cows. No other animals allowed."

"Oh, come on! Look, cut me a break."

As Buck spoke, he heard a cow moo.

To his disbelief, it was Maggie, Grace, Mrs. Caloway, Snnopy, Woodstock, and Lucky Jack.

"Aww, what are you doing here?" he asked, engraged.

"Sorry we're late." Grace told Junior, ignoring Buck. "We got separated from the herd."

"Right this way, little lady." said the large buffalo as he stepped aside. "Tell 'em Junior sent you."

"Are you kidding me?!" shouted Buck.

"He ain't kidding, buster." said Lucky Jack aboard Mrs. Caloway, who got Junior's attention.

"Nice hat, ma'am." he said.

Mrs. Caloway felt flattered. "Cheeky devil."

"Who's the loser now, reject?" taunted Woodstock as he hit Buck in the head with his beak, then flew off to catch up with the others as Junior blocked the entrance once again.

"Hey, what gives?!" said Buck. "How come they got to go through?"

"They're cows." reminded Junior.

"What?! But what about the..."

"Well, obviously, the doggie, the birdie and the bunny were with the cows." Junior went on.

"Ha! I'm with the cows, too!" fibbed Buck. "Yeah! Hey! Hey, fellas! W-wait up! You got to tell this guy you know me! See, Junior, we're old friends! Come on, uh, Snoopy! Uh, Woodstock! Come on, it's your old pal Buck, see?"

"Hmm, what do you think, Woodstock?" asked Snoopy. "Should we..."

"Forget him, boys." said Maggie, pushing the two friends further into the mine. "He's not worth it."

"No, no, no, wait! Hey, come back! No! Hang on...hang on a second." pleaded Buck before Junior loomed towards him menacingly, saying. "Don't make me hurt you."

Buck chuckled nervously when he spotted a man riding horseback on top of a cliff.

"Rico."

Then he said to Junior. "I gotta go, but let's throw on the old feedbag sometime. Stay cool."

As he rode off, he then said to himself. "It's hero time."


	15. Capturing Slim

"All right, what's the plan?" asked Woodstock once he and his friends were inside the mine.

"Well, let's see..." thought Maggie. "You two get his attention while I sneak up behind him and then I'll knock him into the cart and then we'll rope him up and wheel him to justice!"

"And for extra measure, how about we conk him on the noggin with this?" suggested Mrs. Caloway, holding a mining pan on her mouth.

"You go, cowgirl!" said Maggie. "That's usin' the old hat."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" interrupted Lucky Jack. "Now, you lost me here, Mrs. C."

"Look, Jack, it's simple. Cart, smack, rope, roll, justice." said Grace. "Come on, Jack, focus. Now is not the time to get all scatterbrained and flaky."

The others looked at each other confused. Since when did Grace become serious?

* * *

Outside the mine, Buck glanced at his replacement, whose name was Patrick and rode up to him.

"Oh, good, I'm not too late. Sorry." he said. "Still stakin' out your quarry, huh?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Why?" asked Patrick.

"Listen, I came to warn you, one equine to another, about Rico." whispered Buck. "As soon as he nabs that rustler, he's gonna be in a big hurry to collect that reward."

"So?"

"So?! Once he catches his man, that's when the horsewhip comes out and he's not shy about using it, either!"

"Horsewhip?"

"Horsewhip! And not only are you gonna be carrying Rico, but that rustler as well. Have you seen that guy? He's huge!"

"What should I do?" asked a terrified Patrick.

"Run!" suggested Buck.

"OK."

"Yeah, run like the wind, partner, and save yourself!" said Buck as he and Patrick slid down the mountain to the ground. "Go on, take off! Fade! Ride into the sunset! Scram!"

"OK, thanks, buddy! I owe you one!" Patrick called back as he rode off.

"Godspeed, my friend! So long, sucker!" Buck called out, chuckling to himself. "He must be takin' stupid lessons from that buffalo."

Just then, he heard a snort from behind him. It was Junior!

"Uh-oh."

* * *

Back inside the mine, Slim was counting his money. "1,420, 1,440..."

But that was impossible to do since the Willies were counting up the cows. "4,336..."

"Oh, can't you morons count to yourselves?" asked Slim. "Gotta start all over!"

He pulled out the money and restarted couting them, unaware that the cows, Snoopy, Woodstock, and Lucky Jack were watching him.

"There he is." said Snoopy.

"Let's go get him." suggested Maggie

"Hold on!" said Grace. "You're both forgetting Slim's hypnotic control over those with less than perfect pitch."

Woodstock looked at Lucky Jack's tail. "Hmm, I think I have an idea."

"What's that, little birdie?" asked Lucky Jack before Woodstock yanked his tail off with his talons, saying. "Will you stop calling me that? Sheesh!"

He then flew over to Mrs. Caloway and placed some of the tail remains in her ears.

"Why, Woodstock, how practical!" she said.

* * *

"Done countin'!" announced Gil.

"What do we got?" asked Bill.

"Four thousand, nine hundred ninety-seven."

"What?" said Mr. Wesley. "Wait, wait, what? I thought you said five thousand even."

"Of course I did." replied Slim. "Gil must've just miscounted, that's all."

Just then, the villains heard a cow moo. They looked up to see Grace on the next level.

"There's one. Up there." said Gil.

"The others can't be far behind." snarled Slim. "Just you watch."

"You're gonna like this." Phil said to Mr. Wesley. "Yodeling's an art."

Slim cleared his throat and began yodeling "Ride of the Valkyries," but Grace just went through, unhypnotized.

Confused, Slim did the same to Mrs. Caloway, but her respone was the same as Grace's.

Mr. Wesley chuckled slyly. "What's the deal, Slimbo?"

"Maybe she wasn't an art lover." guessed Gil.

"Philistine!" Phil called out.

"Shut up, you greenhorns!" barked Slim as he walked up the ramp. "A bovine ain't been born that can resist my charms."

He then cleared his throat again and began yodeling the "1812 Overture," which, literally, got Mrs. Caloway, Grace and Woodstock in a trance.

As Slim was yodeling, he didn't notice Maggie coming towards him with a mine cart, but the Willies did.

"Watch your back, Uncle Slim!" they called out.

Slim quick turn around and stopped Maggie in her tracks. "Where do you think you're going?"

When he wasn't looking, Grace and Mrs. Caloway charged at him, poking his butt with their horns.

Slim howled in pain as he landed in the cart, giving Snoopy and Lucky Jack the opportunity to tie him up.

"What in the rootin'-tootin' blazes is goin' on here?!" bellowed Slim before Lucky Jack knocked him out with the pan.

"Uncle Slim! Uncle Slim!" cried Bill and Gil as they hurried up the ramp.

"Let's roll!" said Woodstock.

The cows pushed the cart containing Slim away, with Bill and Gil behind them.

"We're gonna be rich!" exclaimed Snoopy.

"Filthy rich!" agreed Mrs. Caloway.

"Watch out!" shrieked Lucky Jack.

Without warning, Buck bumped into the friends and rode off with the cart, with Junior chasing after him.

"Hey, Buck has our booty!" said Woodstock.

"Get him!" hollered Maggie.

* * *

"Hey, Casey Jones," Mr. Wesley said to Phil. "Grab the bills and fire up the Getaway Express!"

As Phil ran up to the train, Mr. Wesley heard a scream.

It was coming from Buck, who was being chased by Junior, who was being chased by Maggie, Grace, Mrs. Caloway, Woodstock, Snoopy and Lucky Jack, who were being chased by Bill and Gil, crying out. "Uncle Slim! Uncle Slim!"

"I gave up clown college for this?" he said to himself.

* * *

As Buck rode the cart in and out of the tunnels, he found a big surprise inside the cart.

"It's Slim! I got Slim! Rico's gonna be so proud of me!" he squealed in delight, which turned into fear when Junior bumped into him.

'Leave me alone!" pleaded Buck as he galloped towards the elevator, which sent him and Slim going up.

Junior snorted in defeat until he found himself falling down the shaft, by the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock who bumped into him.

"Our bad!" Snoopy called out.

Just then, the friends could hear Bill and Gil call out, "Uncle Slim! Uncle Slim!"

"Quick, in here!" said Woodstock as he and the others hurried inside the other elevator, which sent them going up.

* * *

Meanwhile, Buck ran so fast he passed...

"Rico?"

He then turned around and hurried up to his hero, proud that he finally caught Slim.

Rico was stunned. "What in tarnation is going on here?"

Just then, the cows ran past them, with Snoopy, Woodstock and Lucky Jack on top of them, and pushed the cart containing Slim away.

Buck noticed and chased after them angrily.

"That's it!" he shouted. "I've had it with you losers getting in my way!"

Only too bad for Buck, because Junior was still chasing after him.

"I'll knock you into next Tuesday!" he called out. "Come back here!"

Maggie, Snoopy, Woodstock and Lucky Jack looked back to see Buck on top of some barrels, cornered by Junior, who sneered. "You're going down!"

Just then, he heard his master's voice. "Junior! Junior!"

Slim had regained consciousness and tried to call out to Junior, only to be silenced by Lucky Jack's pan.

Junior charged after the cart. Buck was about to do so as well when he noticed Rico placing his saddle on top of him.

"It's a miracle!" he said. "I'm wearing Rico's saddle again!"

Buck let out a whinny and galloped after the cart, with Rico on top of him.

* * *

As the gang rode the cart all the way down through the mine like a roller-coaster, they bumped into a handcar, which was driven by Bill and Gil, who yelled. "Surprise!"

...before receiving a surprise attack of their own, by Lucky Jack and his pan.

While trying to fend off the rabbit, Bill accidentally pulled on the cart brake, sending a shower of sparks onto some barrels of gunpowder and dynamite.

The cows, Snoopy, Woodstock and Lucky Jack hardly noticed when they found themselves surrounded by Bill & Gil, Junior, and Buck & Rico.

But when everyone saw the mine lit up, they dashed away as fast as they could, when...

 _KA-BOOM!_

The cows, Snoopy, Woodstock, and Lucky Jack found themselves flying out of the mine, tumbling down the mountain, and landing on the railroad tracks.

"Yay, we did it!" cheered Woodstock.

His friends joined in as well until Lucky Jack cried out, "Fellas, we've got company!"

Bill & Gil, Junior and Buck & Rico were still after the gang! And to make matters worse, Wesley's train was coming towards them.

"Whoa! Stop! Stop! Hit the brake!" he ordered Phil.

But try as he could, the train kept on going fast when...


	16. Animals vs Bad Guys

_CRASH!_

When the dust cleared, everyone was scattered from here to there.

Well, almost everyone.

"Hey, where'd Slim go?" asked Snoopy atop the overturned mine cart, where a loud grumble came from inside of it.

"I think we found him!" said Woodstock as he flew off.

But Snoopy was not so lucky, for Slim bursted out of the cart in rage and grabbed him by the neck.

"Dagnabit!" bellowed Slim. "I guess I gotta do everything around here myself!"

He then grabbed the cows and tied them and Snoopy up, then tossed the ropes to his nephews.

"Call me crazy, but I think these animals got it in for me."

"Maybe they just don't like your singing." guessed Gil.

"Shut up!" shouted Slim as he cleared his throat. "Mr. Weaseley, my money, if you please."

Mr. Wesley chuckled nervously. "I was just keeping it safe for you, Slim."

"Sure you were." said Slim as he snatched the bag of money out of Mr. Wesley's arms. "Protecting my investments is what I pay this fellow for."

Buck had just gotten down from the lumber cart as Slim went on, saying. "Mr. Weaseley, may I present the most traitorous, double-crossin' gun for hire that I've ever had the pleasure to call partner...Rico!"

Buck stopped in his tracks as Rico landed behind him.

"You're too kind, boss." he said to Slim.

Buck was shocked to realize that his hero wasn't who he thought he was. All this time, Rico was in cahoots with Slim! "No, it can't be."

"His reputation as a bounty hunter is well-known," said Slim. "But lately he's been doing a little moonlighting and covering my tracks."

"I knew there was something about him I didn't like." Woodstock whispered to Snoopy and the cows, who glared at Buck for giving them the cold shoulder, especially when they needed his help in the first place.

"Rico's going to see you to the border so that nothing else goes wrong." Slim said to Mr. Wesley as he tossed a wad of cash over to Rico, then signaled for Junior. "Now, if you'll all pardon me, there's a little Patch of Heaven on the auction block this morning."

Grace gasped. "He's going to buy our farm!"

"Load 'em up, boys!" Slim ordered his nephews as he rode off to Patch of Heaven.

Already ahead of Slim, Rico leaned closer to Buck. "I don't know how you got here, skittish, but stick with me, and you may get to like the other side of the law."

As he watched Slim and Junior rode past him, Buck looked back at the train, where he heard Mr. Wesley call out, "All right, come on! Come on! Move it, Bessie! Get in there! Hurry up! You don't want to be late for that big round-up in the sky!"

By seeing this, Buck realized his selfish ambition to become a hero has put everyone and everything he pushed away in jeopardy. But if he turned over a new leaf now, maybe there's still a chance to make things right.

He started to turn back as Rico held onto his reins tightly. "Hah! Skittish, whoa!"

* * *

While Mr. Wesley tried to force the cows inside one of the railroad cars, Snoopy bit him on the leg.

"Hey!" shouted Wesley. "Let go of me, you stupid mutt!"

Having shoved the cows inside the car, Phil plucked Snoopy up and tossed him inside.

"Lovely." sneered Wesley. "Now get the engine fired up and let's make tracks."

But as he tried to lock up the car, something whipped the keys out of his hands.

Wesley turned around, only to be knocked out cold by a horse.

"Make a break for it, guys! Run!" he shouted.

Maggie knew that voice sounded familiar. "Buck?"

"Have you lost your mind?" asked Snoopy.

"Now, that's entirely possible, little doggie!" replied Buck, trying to get Rico off his back. "Or maybe I just figured out who the real heroes are!"

"Wait! What if this is some kind of trick?" said Grace.

"Oh, this isn't a trick! It's a miracle!" exclaimed Mrs. Caloway, for she was starting to see Buck in a new light. "Come on!"

As the gang tried to break free, Buck finally bucked Rico off of him and turned to face the Willies.

"So you think you got the drop on me? Well, think again!"

Phil and Gil charged after Buck, but the horse scissor-kicked them while using his tail to slap Bill in the face.

Back inside the railroad car, the friends had no luck ramming out of there.

"This is useless." said Mrs. Caloway. "Let's put our heads together. More brains and less brawn."

"I've got it!" exclaimed Woodstock, who plucked out her hat with his talons, flew towards the door, and dropped it through the slats. "Toro, Señora Caloway! Toro, toro!"

Mrs. Caloway's eyes turned red with anger as she charged towards the cart door.

Rico had just raised his gun to finish off Buck when... _CRASH!..._ the cows, Snoopy, and Woodstock bursted through the door.

"Olé!" exclaimed Maggie as she butted Rico with her head.

As the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock attacked Rico, Gil swung at Buck with a shovel, only to be hit with a horseshoe, thrown by Lucky Jack.

"Lucky shot!" said Buck.

"Well, they don't call me Lucky Jack for nothin'." replied Lucky Jack.

As he saw Mrs. Caloway hurtling towards him, Rico said to himself. "Mother of mercy, is this the end of Rico?"

Apparently, it was, for Mrs. Caloway landed on top of the treacherous man, who passed out right away.

Buck laughed in triumph. "Bravo, Mrs. C.! You stopped Rico cold!"

"Aw, shucks. T'weren't nothin'." said Mrs. Caloway, feeling proud of herself.

"Fat lot of good it done us." said Maggie. "That rotten Slim has already flown the coop."

"She's right." agreed Grace. "Unless we sprout wings, we'll never make it back in time."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing." said Mrs. Caloway. "This train goes right by Patch of Heaven."

"There's just one problem, Caloway." reminded Maggie. "How are we supposed to drive that thing?"

"How? How? I'll tell you how! The same way we walked off the farm into the unknown. The same way we fought off those burly barmaids. And the same way we braved the western wilderness without the benefit of food or water. We caught Slim once, and we shall do it again! Who's with me?"

Thankfully, everyone was.

* * *

While the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock started up the train, Buck freed all the cattle that were inside the carts.

"Get out of here, you bulls!" he shouted. "Head for the hills!"

With the cattle saved and the bad guys placed inside, the gang boarded the locomotive, which Lucky Jack had freed from the other cars.

"Next stop, Patch of Heaven!" proclaimed Snoopy.

As the train began to take off, the gang heard two familiar voices.

"Howdy, darlin'!"

"Down here!"

It was Bob and Barry, the two longhorns from the cattle drive, trying to catch up.

"On, come on!" groaned Woodstock.

"I got two words for you guys...Cold. Shower!" hollered Maggie

"We don't have time for this nonsense!" added Mrs. Caloway. "We have a farm to save!"

"Well, maybe we can help you." said Bob.

"Maybe we can help each..."

Before Barry could continue, he and Bob bumped into a mailbag post.

"...other!" he grimaced.

"Bye!" Grace called out. "Come up and see us sometime!"

"Not likely!" snapped Woodstock.

* * *

The train zoomed past a water tower when another came into view.

"Oh, no! It's the Morning Express!" panicked Maggie.

"There's a switch up ahead!" said Lucky Jack.

"Way ahead of you, boys!" said Buck. "Hop on!"

"Sit tight, girls! We've got your backs!" assured Snoopy as he, Woodstock, and Lucky Jack hopped onto Buck's back and rode off towards the lever.

Lucky Jack used Buck's reins as a lasso and pulled the lever, but while passing it, the boys found themselves pulled back, sending the lever flying out of its hole, and into the tracks, where it was destroyed by the locomotive with the cows inside.

"No!" shouted Snoopy.

Thinking fast, Buck picked up Lucky Jack by the ears and wedged his peg leg inside, using _him_ as the lever.

Just when Maggie, Mrs. Caloway and Grace thought they were done for, their train made a right turn. Buck had saved them, as a true hero should.

"Roadhogs!" hollered the conductor from the other train.

Snoopy and Woodstock caught up with their train as Buck tried to pull Lucky Jack out of the switch by the ears.

"See you back at the farm, fellas!" he called out.

"Thanks, Buck!" Maggie called back.

"I take back everything I said about you!" added Woodstock.

"Wait, what?"

That was all the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock heard from Buck as the train sped towards Patch of Heaven, which was about to be...


	17. The Ultimate Showdown

"Sold!" announced Sheriff Sam. "All property and livestock formerly known as Patch of Heaven is hereby sold to Mr. Yancy O'Del."

"Pleasure doing business with you." boasted Yancy O'Del a.k.a Alameda Slim as he placed the money bag on Sheriff Sam's auctioning stand. "O'Del's the name, foreclosure's the game."

"Well, just set yourself over yonder. " said Sheriff Sam. "Sign this deed, and the property is all yours."

"Much obliged, sheriff." chuckled Slim.

The farm animals glanced sadly at each other as Pearl and the Peanuts gang took one final look at Patch of Heaven and started to walk towards the gate. They've worked really hard to save the farm, only to make less than what was required, which wasn't enough.

All they need now was a miracle...

* * *

...which was, thankfully, the cows, Snoopy and Woodstock, whose train was zooming towards Patch of Heaven.

"There it is!" said Grace.

Mrs. Caloway was relieved, once again, to see her...

"Home and hearth!"

"And a holy hallelujah of a curve!" added Maggie.

In front of them, the friends could see the tracks making a left. They were going to miss Patch of Heaven for sure!

"Quick, pull the brakes!" shouted Woodstock.

"No time for that!" said Maggie.

"But won't we jump the tracks?" asked Grace.

"We are makin' our own tracks!" declared Maggie.

"This is going to be messy!" worried Mrs. Caloway.

"I'm too young to die!" panicked Woodstock.

* * *

Slim giggled evilly as he prepared to sign the deed to Patch of Heaven.

"The whole territory belongs to me." he said to himself when he heard the ground rumble. "Huh?"

"Five cents for these chicks." announced Sheriff Sam. "Come on, now, do I hear two cents?"

Those who attended the auction, however, had their eyes focused on a train, having gone off the tracks and heading towards the farm.

"Behind you! Behind you! Behind you!" they would cry out, while Sheriff Sam tried to calm them down. "Whoa! Whoa! Hold your britches! Come on, now!"

"Sheriff, look out!" Charlie Brown called out.

Sheriff Sam turned and saw the upcoming danger. "Whoa! Run for your lives!"

Pearl rushed to save her baby chicks while Peppermint Patty pushed Sheriff Sam out of the way just as the train crashed through the fence and came to a halt in a cornfield.

"What's the idea of crashing your train on my property?" shouted a furious Slim, who stopped short when he saw what was in front of him. "What? It...it can't be!"

Oh, but it was, for who should step out of the train than Maggie, Grace, Mrs. Caloway, Woodstock, and...

"The Masked Marvel?" Charlie Brown said in confusion.

Everyone else watched in silence as both good and evil stood where they were when finally, the cows, Woodstock, and the Masked Marvel charged after Slim, who pulled out a large gun from his coat pocket and aimed it at them.

"Hold it right there!"

Upon seeing this, Jeb turned to the three little piggies. "Boys, it's time we open up a can of whoop-hide!"

Before Slim could pull the trigger, he found himself bombarded with Jeb's cans, while the baby chicks crawled up behind him while one crowed loudly in his ear.

Jeb rolled his barrel towards Slim, who fell into the mud, next to Audrey and the other hens.

"You wanna get nuts?" shouted Audrey. "Let's get nuts!"

The hens pecked at Slim, who then found himself flying in the air, courtesy of Molly and Ollie, and had his butt kicked by Maggie and Grace, sending him flying again towards the smokestack.

"Now we've got him!" said Woodstock.

Mrs. Caloway pulled on the handle, letting out a huge whistle, which blasted away the disguise of Yancy O'Del.

"It's Alameda Slim!" Sheriff Sam said in realization.

Everyone gasped in horror when they saw Slim, stuck in the smokestack, who snarled. "You think you've won? It ain't over 'til the fat man sings!"

As he started to yodel, Maggie tossed her cowbell in the air, before succumbing to Slim's musical spell.

"Grace, hit me!" ordered the Masked Marvel.

Grace kicked him with her hind legs, sending him up in the air and kicking the cowbell into Slim's mouth, silencing his yodeling for good.

"Alameda Slim, you're under arrest." said Sheriff Sam as he roped up Slim.

"Nobody messes with Pearl's girls!" Grace said triumphantly.

"And the Masked Marvel." added Woodstock.

"Hey, guys. What'd we miss?" said a voice.

The friends turned to see Buck standing next to them. On his back was Lucky Jack.

"You didn't miss much...partner." said Woodstock.

* * *

Later, Slim found himself inside a prison cart, bound and gagged.

"Take him away, boys!" he said to the coachman, before addressing to Slim. "Hope you like stripes."

As the cart rode away with Slim struggling, Sheriff Sam turned to...

"Pearl, your animals can't do much with Slim's reward money." he said. "Think you can find some use for it?"

Upon hearing this, Pearl let out a cheer. "Whoo-eee! My farm is saved!"

As she embraced Mrs. Caloway and Grace, the Masked Marvel took his mask.

The Peanuts gang were surprised to see that behind the mask was...

"Snoopy?"

"I knew you'd come through for us." said Charlie Brown as he hugged his dog.

As the crowd kept on cheering, Grace noticed that someone was missing. "Where's Maggie?"

She & Mrs. Caloway and Snoopy & Woodstock hurried over to the gate, but Maggie wasn't there.

"I can't believe it." said Snoopy. "She's gone."

"And she didn't even say good-bye to us." added Woodstock.

Grace's face drooped as she said. "I'm gonna miss her."

"So shall I, Grace." agreed Mrs. Caloway. "Her brash manner, her bullheadedness. She risked her life for us, and who are we but strangers? We were privileged to know her. She was a cow like no other! Right down to her appalling bodily eruptions."

As she spoke, someone burped in front of her. "Ahh, that was good!"

Grace gasped in delight. "Maggie!"

"I knew you wouldn't leave without saying good-bye." said Woodstock as he hugged Maggie, who replied. "Well, I was just having one for the road, when I heard all the nice stuff you guys were saying about me. You know, maybe I could hang around a while."

"How about forever?" suggested Grace.

Maggie smiled. "Well, it's your call, Caloway. Is this barnyard big enough for the both of us?"

"Only if you let me wear the hat." said Mrs. Caloway.

Happy that her team's still together, Grace let out a cheer. "Yee-haw!"

"Come on, move your hides, girls." said Maggie. "Last one to the barn sleeps standing up!"

The friends hurried over to Pearl, the Peanuts gang, and the rest of the farm animals, where they all got together for a group picture.


	18. Good to Be Back Home on the Range

"So it was that Alameda Slim, the most notorious and feared cattle rustler was apprehended and unmasked by three unusual dairy cows..."

Lucky Jack was reading the newspaper when he noticed that Jeb was eating it.

"Hey! Dagnabit, Jeb!" he shouted. "How many times I got to tell you to wait your turn?"

"How many times have I got to tell _you_ to get out of my barrel?!" Jeb shouted back.

As she watched them fight and argue, Audrey sighed to herself. "It's so nice that Jeb finally found a friend."

"Here they come, everybody!" announced one of the little piggies.

The animals gathered around to see that the cows, Buck, Larry, Ollie, the baby chicks, even Snoopy and Woodstock won blue ribbons at the county fair.

"And I thought Charlie Brown never won anything." said Maggie.

"I guess it pays to be a hero dog." said Snoopy.

Just then a familiar voice rang out. "Well, hi ho, ladies!"

It was Barry and Bob, who said. "Hey, Barry, three queens, two kings, hmm?"

"Full house." grinned Barry.

"And the joker is wild." added Junior. "Oh, yeah."

The cows, Snoopy and Woodstock chuckled and invited the longhorns and Junior into Patch of Heaven.

* * *

Later that day, everyone gathered around inside the barn as Pearl hung up a banner on three of her stalls, one for Maggie, Grace and Mrs. Caloway, who graciously placed her hat on top of Maggie's head.

Snoopy and Woodstock smiled at their new friends and each other. After the adventures they had, it sure was good to be back home...on the range.

* * *

 _Darlin', I swear,_  
 _Once you been there,_  
 _There ain't a view_  
 _Beneath the blue_  
 _That could ever compare!_  
 _The only thing missin'_  
 _Is you as my guest_  
 _On that little patch of heaven_  
 _Way out west..._

 _Why don'tcha come visit?_  
 _There's room in my nest_  
 _On that little patch of heaven_  
 _Way out west!_

* * *

 **Author's Note:**

 **I would like to dedicate this story to Lee Mendelson, the executive producer of every Peanuts production to date and close friend/patient of my dad, Dr. Andrew Rosenberg, who has informed me that Lee hasn't long to live.**

 **In the words of Lucy Van Pelt, "You're a Good Man, Lee Mendelson."**


End file.
